Larry Laffer quotes (Hoyle I)
I'm Larry, Larry Laffer, but all the beautiful women in the world call me Leisure Suit Larry. You've probably heard about my latest adventure on Nontoonyt Island, with all those women! What a life! Anyhow, you wouldn't happen to have a gorgeous sister, would you? *Did I tell you about that gorgeous KGB agent that tried to get me? What a babe! *A desert island isn't a bad place to meet some gorgeous women. You just gotta make sure they aren't cannibals first.... *I'll tell you why women like me so much. It's because every time I meet a woman, I try to make her feel special. So women think I'm special, too. *There's nothing I like better than an evening of wine, dinner, and dancing, in the company of a beautiful blonde...or maybe a brunette...or.... *Did I tell you about that six foot tall Swedish basketball player I met? Now there was a lady I really looked up to! *Hey! Let me tell you about this woman wrestler that I met.... *Let's talk about that time I met this lady FBI agent at the airport.... *Then there was that weekend in Mexico.... *And did I ever tell you about.... *And then there was that woman in Detroit...what a Tiger! *Let's talk about that time when I met those three women on the beach in Acapulco.... *Hey, let me tell you about that stewardess! I'm telling ya, she really was something.... *Listen, I'd rather talk about the night I met that movie star in Hollywood...she and I danced until dawn. What a night! *Let me tell you about.... *And then there was that lady in Washington.... *I like playing cards, but I like meeting women more. *I really like playing card games with beautiful women. But let me tell you, this isn't the card game I like best.... *Money's helpful, especially if you're trying to impress the babes. *I think women are more attracted to me for my body and style, than money. Which is good, 'cause I never have much money, but I've always got style! *I think I'd be more enthusiastic about going into space if women wore prettier spacesuits. *Space travel sounds interesting, but how can women tell what kind of a handsome, muscular guy I am if I'm wearing some kind of spacesuit? *Warren, you programmed this game, so can you give me Shelly's phone number from your files, right? I'd really like to spend some time with that lady. *Hey, what were you saying about a memory shortage, Warren? I remember every girl I've ever dated, and I always have room for another phone number in my book! *My grandfather was really something. My mother says I'm a lot like him. *My grandfather was a wonderful guy. He taught me everything I know about women. *Why am I sitting here in this card game, when I could be out there meeting some gorgeous babes? *If you don't want to play cards, I could be out making time with a beautiful lady instead. *Let's see, I've got my little black book on me somewhere. I probably can still get a date with Patty for tonight.... *I'm tellin' ya, once the women see me, they just won't leave me alone for five minutes.... *Sometimes I wonder if there's one special woman, just waiting for me. Or maybe several special women.... *I met this lady cop once. She gave me her phone number instead of of the traffic ticket! *I don't think I'd be a good cop. I'd never be able to give traffic tickets to all of those beautiful women. *I still think that rescuing a lady from a dragon is a great way to make a first impression! *Questing does sound kinda interesting, but I think I'd rather spend my Saturday nights out on the town, not in a dungeon. *C'mon, Roger, don't be such a wimp. I'm stuck playing this game too, and you don't see me complaining, do you? Though if I'm late for my date tonight with Patty.... *Must be rough, Rog, being the hero of Space Quest. Surrounded by all those beautiful alien women.... *School really is important. I may talk a lot about how women look, but if she hasn't had a single thought since third grade, it's going to be a real boring date. *Education does make a difference. If nothing else, you can learn a lot in biology class. *Shelly, baby *My name is Larry, babe, not Leroy. You do smell nice, though. New perfume? * Maybe we could get together for dinner sometime, babe? *Daventry does sound like a place I should visit. Maybe rescue a few damsels in distress, hey? *I've never thought about it, but rescuing a girl from a dragon would be a great first date, wouldn't it? *I like the old Humphrey Bogart movies. Now, there was a man with some real smooth moves.... *Yeah, Humphrey Bogart was definitely my favorite actor. I learned a lot from his style. *I like all kinds of sports, just as long as there are cheerleaders. *I like women's gymnastics and ice skating the best. All those women in leotards.... *I read a lot, but mostly self-help books. Like how to say "I love you" and "Are you busy tonight, gorgeous?" in twenty different languages. *I like reading catalogs. That's how I order all of my stylish polyester shirts and pants. *I hiked through the mountains last summer. Met three women and a baby bear. *I wouldn't mind living in the mountains, but I think I'd miss civilization and nightclubs too much. *I like playing Crazy Eights. Not as much as I like meeting beautiful women, but still.... *Crazy Eights is one of my favorite games, especially if I'm playing against eight crazy women.... *Sure, let's play! And did I ever tell you about that blonde that I met in Acapulco.... *I always have a Diamond for the ladies. *Maybe I'll break a few more Hearts this game! *Your Hearts or mine? *Hey, I won the hand! Not so unusual, really! *I win this hand! Let's get this game over with so I can get back in action! *I won this hand! Amazing, aren't I? *You won this hand. My mind must've been on something else, like that blonde I met last night.... *You can choose a new suit now. Clubs, Diamonds, Hearts, Spades, polyester.... *Choose a new suit now, but don't choose my baby blue leisure suit. I need it to impress the babes, y'know? *You really should choose a card first. Come on, I have a date tonight with a beautiful blonde from Burbank! *Sorry, that's an invalid play. You should try something new. Me, I'm always trying something new.... *You can't do that play, it's invalid in this game. And did I tell you about this woman that I met last month.... *I won! I wonder if there's any women around here that I can impress with my manly card-playing abilities? *Of course, I knew I would win. Can't disappoint all those women who dream about me every night, can I? *I won! Of course, how can a manly man like me ever lose? *Well, I guess you can't have everything like me,...looks, women, money, luck at cards...I did mention good looks, didn't I? *Not so lucky at cards, but incredibly, awesomely, supremely skillful at love. *Well, even someone with my incredible charm and looks can lose a game occasionally. *Old Maid isn't my usual game, but let's give it a try! You've got a cute older sister, right? *Sure, I'll play against you! Who's bringing the chips and dip? *I'd love to play Old Maid with you! I even brought the soda pop. *Hey, I'm not an Old Maid! Me? Leisure Suit Larry? An Old Maid? *Me, an Old Maid? No way, toots! *You're the Old Maid now! Naturally, my awesome card playing skills are paying off in a big way! *Time to break a few more Hearts, I guess! *Sure. What's another broken Heart, anyway? *Winning this game is about as easy as holding onto a mud wrestler! *I'd better win the next game, or the women might start erasing me from of their phone books! *Hey, the only reason you won was because my mind was on the beautiful blonde that I had dinner with every night last week! *I think you have to lead with the two of Clubs. Hey, did I ever tell you about the woman bronco rider that I met in Texas... *I've broken a few hearts in my life, but Hearts haven't been broken yet in this game. *Come on, you know you can't do that! Hearts haven't been broken yet, unless you're counting the blonde I dated last month.... *You'll have to wait till Hearts have been broken. *So then she told me...oh, don't you know you have to follow with a card in the same suit? *You'll have to choose a card first. And did I ever tell you about the lady wrestler that I met.... *Pick a card first. You know, this game reminds me of the time when.... *...as I was saying, this woman really...oh, you know you should choose a card first, right? *Gin Rummy's a great game, 'specially if you don't have a date on a Saturday night. Of course, I always have a date.... *Sure, I'll play Gin Rummy with you! And you'll introduce me to your sister, right? *Yeah, I can play this game! Gather around, girls, and watch Larry the Man in action! *I'll pass. I have a lot of experience at making passes.... *I think you already took a card. And did I tell you about this girl... 15 You have to put down the card first. 16 Put down the card first, then take that card. *There are more important things in life than winning at cards. Like Julie, Kathy, Jane.... *Hey, I let you win! You knew that, right? *I won! Of course, how can a manly man like me ever lose? *I won! Don't forget to tell your gorgeous sister about it! And what's her phone number, by the way? *You want to play Cribbage with me? Are you sure you wouldn't rather go to a nightclub instead? *Sure, I'll play Cribbage with you. I just hope I can remember all of the rules.... *Hey, if you're gonna play against Larry Laffer, you'd better be ready to lose! *Sorry, that's an invalid play. You should try something new. Me, I'm always trying something new.... *You can't do that play, it's invalid in this game. And did I tell you about the lady pole vaulter I met last month? *I won! Now I've got something else I can brag about! *I win! You don't need to tell me, I know you're impressed! *Of course, I knew I would win. Can't disappoint all those women who dream about me every night, can I? *Good game. My mind must have been on Patty. Or maybe Suzanne.... *You won this game. You were just real lucky, of course! *I won this Match! Amazing, aren't I? Category:Hoyle I Category:Transcripts Category:LSL4